Source: @alyssasieb / nappy.co

Love feels a lot louder than it used to. Every misstep, inside joke, anniversary dinner, half-baked podcast opinion about who deserves what gets uploaded, dissected, memed, and sent back to us as advice. Social media has done a lot of good for how we talk about relationships. It gave people language for abuse and manipulation. It helped name gaslighting, breadcrumbing, emotional labor, love bombing, and all the subtle ways harm can hide inside romance. It gave some of us the clarity we needed to leave sooner. It also expanded our sense of what is even possible—more freedom, vocabulary, examples, and transparency. And for that, I’m grateful.

I’ve also watched people burn down something real with a compatible person because the internet convinced them that a good relationship must look a certain way. They gave up without trying because a podcast clip declared that if your partner doesn’t do X, Y, and Z by a certain age, then you are “settling.” There is a creeping belief that if love doesn’t move the algorithm, it must be a mistake.

Issa Rae and husband Louis Diame arrive for the 75th Emmy Awards at the Peacock Theatre at L.A. Live in Los Angeles on January 15, 2024. (Photo by Robyn BECK / AFP)

bell hooks once wrote, “Love is an action, never simply a feeling.” That line lives in my head rent-free. Love is practice. Love is discipline. Love is showing up, recalibrating, telling the truth, and choosing. It is not a branding exercise for our personal narratives. Yet, we now live in a time where relationships are not only lived, they are curated. This year, I’m taking a page out of Kerry Washington and Issa Rae‘s books. My relationship is not up for public consumption.

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The post If Your Relationship Needs Internet Approval, It’s Already In Trouble [Op-Ed] appeared first on MadameNoire.



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